I’d handed all of that to Brian.
***
The following morning, Marissa was on my doorstep with coffee and a bag she’d packed for the clinic.
“Are you still sure about this, Gina?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything.”
***
Dr. Halim was gentle, methodical, and honest about the risks. The procedure itself was quicker than I’d imagined. What came after was the strange part.
“Are you still sure about this?”
***
For the first two days, everything was a smudged watercolor.
Then, on the third morning, I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling fan. I actually saw it! The blades, the little pull chain, the dust on the edges!
I cried for an hour!
***
Marissa drove me home a few days later, once Dr. Halim was satisfied I could be trusted on my own.
I stood in my own hallway and stared at things I’d forgotten existed.
I opened my eyes.
“The curtains are blue,” I whispered. “I thought they were green. Brian always said it was green.”
“They’ve been blue the whole time,” Marissa said carefully.
I walked from room to room like a stranger touring her own life.
The photos on the mantel. The chip in the coffee table.
My own face in the bathroom mirror, older than I remembered but still mine.
“I thought they were green.”
“I don’t want to tell him yet,” I said. “I want him to walk in and see me seeing him.”
My friend smiled, but it was a careful smile.
“Whatever you want, Gina.”
She left that afternoon, promising to check on me.
In the quiet of the house, I suddenly remembered the boxes of Christmas lights Brian kept in the garage.
“Whatever you want, Gina.”
Brian had mentioned them a hundred times over the years. Boxes of them in the garage, tangled from last December, waiting. I wanted them strung across the living room. I hadn’t seen them glow in years.
I walked to the door at the back of the kitchen, the one I hadn’t opened in longer than I could count.
My palm found the knob. Cool metal, slightly loose, exactly as I’d imagined it all these years without ever touching it.
I hadn’t seen them glow in years.
I turned the knob.
The garage door creaked open, and I stepped inside, expecting the smell of motor oil and dust.
Instead, I smelled lavender.
My hand found the light switch on its own, muscle memory from a decade ago. The bulbs flickered on, and the world I’d imagined for over a decade simply dissolved.