“Besides, you might need a backup. These things can be tricky, you know.”
A backup. For my turkey.
The turkey I’d been basting and babysitting all morning now roasting to golden perfection in the oven. I clenched my teeth so hard I was surprised they didn’t crack. “Gloria, everything’s under control,” I said, injecting as much calm as I could muster into my voice.
It came out more like the strained whine of a teakettle about to boil over. “But thank you.”
She paused just long enough to give me one of her signature tight-lipped smiles. It was the kind of smile that could curdle milk.
“Of course. I’m just here to help.”
Mark, my ever-diplomatic husband, chose that moment to slide into the room as if he could sense the emotional landmines strewn about. He placed a steadying hand on my shoulder.
“It’s fine, babe,” he said, his tone soothing, though the flicker of panic in his eyes betrayed him. “We’ll just have two turkeys. More leftovers, right?”
I turned to him slowly, letting my expression do all the talking.
Traitor. “Exactly!” Gloria chirped, clearly feeling victorious. “Now, where’s the carving set?
I brought my own sharpener, just in case yours isn’t up to the task.”
For a moment, I contemplated using that carving set for something other than slicing poultry. Instead, I pasted on a smile that felt more like a grimace. To my astonishment, dinner went well — or at least better than expected.
The sweet potatoes, rich with butter and brown sugar, were a hit. My cranberry sauce had the perfect balance of tart and sweet, and the stuffing (my grandmother’s recipe) earned murmurs of approval from even the pickiest relatives. For a fleeting moment, I allowed myself to exhale, to believe that I’d pulled it off.
Even Gloria seemed momentarily subdued, sipping her wine and offering faintly polite remarks about the table setting. But of course, it was only a matter of time before she unleashed her next move. She always had a next move.
“Everyone!” Gloria’s voice rang out, commanding the room like a maestro silencing an orchestra. She clinked her glass for attention, rising from her seat with dramatic flair. “I thought it would be fun to add a little… personal touch to my turkey this year.”
I froze, the fork halfway to my mouth.
The room fell silent, all eyes shifting to Gloria as she stepped forward with her covered dish. Slowly, like she was unwrapping a priceless relic, she removed the lid. For a split second, I thought I was hallucinating.
Her perfectly roasted turkey was adorned with a laminated photo of my face, pinned dead center into the breast. Then the reality hit me like a slap, and my stomach dropped. A collective gasp rippled through the room.
Aunt Claire choked on her wine, coughing violently into her napkin. Mark’s younger cousin, barely twenty and perpetually inappropriate, let out a loud, “Whoa.”
Gloria stood there, beaming, her hands on her hips like she’d just unveiled a masterpiece. “I just thought,” she said with a tone dripping in faux innocence, “it would be fitting, since Stephanie’s been such a turkey this year!”
The laughter started hesitantly: nervous chuckles here and there, like everyone was waiting to see if this was actually happening.
But Gloria didn’t hesitate. Her chuckle was full-throated, triumphant. She was basking in her own glory, delighted with the chaos she’d created.
Humiliated doesn’t begin to describe what I felt at that moment. My face burned, hot and prickly, and my hands gripped the edge of the table until my knuckles went white. She’d done it.
She’d managed to humiliate me in front of everyone in my own home. Again. But this time was different.
This time, I wouldn’t let her win. I took a deep breath, steadying myself. Then, with deliberate calm, I stood up and picked up my phone.
“Wow, Gloria,” I said, my voice syrupy-sweet. “This is… something else. You really outdid yourself.” I held up the phone and snapped a picture, letting the flash illuminate her smug expression.
“Everyone’s going to want to see this.”
Gloria’s smirk faltered, just for a moment. “Oh, it’s just a little joke—”
“Creative genius,” I cut in, my grin widening. “Really, you should share this talent with the world.”
She blinked, clearly unsure of what to make of my reaction.
Mark, watching the exchange with the wariness of someone trying to diffuse a bomb, gave me a look that said, What are you doing? I smiled at him innocently, the wheels in my brain already turning. Gloria thought she’d won.
But she had no idea what was coming. After everyone left, I sat down with a glass of wine and opened my laptop. Gloria wanted attention?
Fine. I’d give it to her — more than she’d ever dreamed. I created an event on Facebook titled “Gloria’s Annual Turkey Roast,” tagged all her friends, and uploaded the photos I’d taken of her masterpiece.
The caption read: “Need a centerpiece for your holiday table? Gloria’s custom ‘turkey selfies’ are the talk of the season! Book now for Christmas!”
The comments started pouring in within hours:
“Gloria, you’re so talented!
Can I order a ‘turkey selfie’ for Christmas?”
“Wow, Gloria! This is groundbreaking. Could I do this myself on a roast beef?”
“Can you make one with my ex-husband’s face on it?
That’d be perfect for my holiday party.”
Even her church group chimed in, though their responses were less enthusiastic:
“Gloria, this is… quite unique. I’ll be praying for your creative journey.”
“Is this for charity? Please tell me this is for charity.”
“Will Pastor John get a special turkey for the Christmas potluck?”
By morning, the post had gone viral in our local community.
Gloria was inundated with calls and messages. She showed up at my door, red-faced and livid. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” she screamed.
I smiled sweetly. “Oh, Gloria, I thought you’d love the attention! Everyone’s raving about your creativity.”
“People think I’m INSANE!” she spat.
“Dozens of calls — someone even asked me to roast a turkey with their cat’s face on it. Their CAT!”
I bit back a laugh. “Well, maybe next time you won’t use my face for your centerpiece.
Actions have consequences.”
“You’ve humiliated me in front of everyone I know!”
Mark, who had been quietly watching, finally spoke up. “Mom, you humiliated her first. Be grateful she didn’t print out a billboard.”
Gloria glared at him, then at me.
“You’re both impossible!” she hissed before storming out. In the weeks that followed, the turkey story became a local legend. Gloria became known as “the turkey lady,” and while she’d never admit it, her antics cooled after that.
As for me? Thanksgiving in our house became a treasured, albeit infamous, memory — a reminder that sometimes revenge is best served with a side of humor.
