Okay, so I never thought I’d be writing one of these “Am I the jerk?” letters, but here we are. Even typing this makes me roll my eyes at myself, but I need outside brain input because my thoughts keep looping like a weird GIF.
So, I (27F) got married recently. Big day, lots of stress. My dad and I have always been the quiet-understanding kind—he’s not chatty, but he’s been there for the important stuff. So when he told me he couldn’t come to my wedding, I felt… off. Not dramatic, just blindsided.
My sister got married two years ago, and Dad gave her a car. A proper grown-up car—not cheap. I was genuinely happy for her, but when he said he wouldn’t be at my wedding, that small, stupid jealousy bubbled up.
I said, probably too snappily, “If you can’t come, I at least deserve the same car you gave her.” It was bratty, I know, but in my head it felt fair. He didn’t answer—just sighed and moved on. We never really talked about it again.
Then my uncle pulled me aside, looking like he was about to spill something huge. He reached into his pocket, and for a hot second I actually thought, “Oh my gosh, he brought the car key.” Instead he handed me a folded note from my dad and a small bank card with a big amount on it, in my name.
Apparently Dad had been quietly saving money for his kidney treatment. He didn’t tell anyone because he didn’t want us worrying. After my comment about the car, he decided he’d rather give that money to me—to buy a car or whatever I needed—but said it was my choice to accept or refuse.
And now I’m indecisive.
Omg, give it back!! If not, YTA for your selfishness. Really, what’s more important, a car or your father. This shouldn’t even be a question. You don’t deserve it. Or him.
Part of me feels like taking it is sensible—I want that car; it would make life easier; I worked my butt off planning a wedding, and I’m allowed to want something nice. But another part keeps circling: is accepting this me commodifying his illness? Will people treat me differently? Will I always think, “I bought this because Dad might not be around”?
I’m not sobbing or crawling into a pit of guilt. I’m more like… puzzled. I appreciate that he trusted me with something so personal, and I don’t want to disrespect that. But I also don’t want to refuse what could help me just to prove a point about fairness.
So I haven’t used the money yet. I’ve told him thank you, sort of, and we’ve been talking more, which is nice. But I can’t decide if I should take the card and buy the car I actually want or say no to keep things simple and not feel weird about it later.
Am I selfish for even wanting it? Or reasonable? I wanted an outside take.
— Maddison
Should Maddison spend the money?
Is she being selfish?
But then again, wanting something she worked hard for, something that would make her life easier, doesn’t automatically make her selfish. She’s weighing her feelings, her dad’s intentions, and fairness—all while trying not to overstep. It’s complicated.
Did her dad do the right thing?
But on the flip side, the money came from his kidney treatment savings, something deeply personal and serious. Some might argue it’s risky or complicated to mix that with a gift, even if it was meant lovingly. It’s not black and white.
